Well let's be realistic here people we all know it doesn't win the race, but it makes for some progress. So here I am, still home. Working, but from home. And let me tell you, it is hard. It is hard in so many ways, but slow and steady, right? Being a person who is incredibly active, being forced to be a couch potato has been hard. But the one thing that makes me remind myself to quit my bitching is the fact that at least I am here. At least I get the chance to sit on the couch and roam around the house whenever I want to.
One of the hardest things to deal with with my current state and my accident is the constant reminder from all of the doctors and specialist that I see weekly, that I could have died. After being in a hospital for 2 weeks and being reminded of that fact by every new doctor I was assigned I think I need to stop hearing that. I know I could have died! I have faced this thought many times in the past month, and it is not a pleasant few minutes that follows every time I think about it. But instead of being told that I would rather look at it as, I now have a chance to be better and more gracious. I have never been more grateful for the people in my life as I have been in the past few weeks. My eyes are open and I see it and I don't think I am going to forget it anytime soon. And I am not being exaggerative, I am literally reminded everyday. For instance, yesterday my boyfriend's parents sent me a beautiful potted orchid with a note letting me know that they were thinking about me. When the doorbell rang and I heard the words delivery I had no idea who it was for, when the delivery guy gave me the plant all I kept saying is "What a beautiful plant." When I got inside and read the card, I couldn't help it, I just started crying. I just feel so cared for, so loved and thinking about life without that makes me want to be the best person that I can be since I have it. So I get it, I could have died, but I am alive and I am going to focus on the great things I can do.
And now for the second hardest part. Not being able to work out! It is actually driving me nuts! Finally two nights ago Nick got the great idea for us to go for a walk. We grabbed the dog and headed out the door. Now since I have been dealing with issues with my vision Nick held the dog leash and away we went. All Nick kept saying is "try not to focus your eyes on anything and maybe you won't notice the double vision" and you know what? He was right! So there we went for a 45 minute walk around town and it felt fantastic! And here's a good laugh, I was sore the next day! But I didn't let that stop me! Nick had to work late, so my best friend took me out instead. So there you go. In 3 weeks all I have done is walked a totally of 1:15! Whew! What a work out!
As for the state of my brain, ears and vision. I went in for probably my 15th Cat scan this month on Monday and hopefully I will know more about what I can and can't do on Friday when I see my neurologist. This morning I went to my ENT to talk to him about the blood in my ear drum (yup that is yet another problem, not sure if I mentioned that one) from the fracture and it looks like most or all of it has left my ear drum. I was given and hearing and balance test, and I passed both and for now things are looking ok in that realm. I will most likely not hear 100% out of my left ear for about a month but things should heal well there. And here is my slow and steady moment of the day...I was given the go ahead on swimming!!! Now not the usually 100s of death swimming I was doing before, but I can get in a pool and try to work out!
So there you have it! I finally have 1 of the three sports I love back! I can swim! Now I can't get my HR too high because we don't want too much blood rushing to my head because of the cracks, but I can do something. That combined with my nightly walks and having to sit on the couch the rest of the day, may be doable!
Now as I read back on this post, I realized some might think I am complaining. And I am not! As I said I am grateful for all of the steps I am making towards recovery, even if I am a restless individual, I will take sitting on the couch everyday as long as it means I can still be around the people that I love.